Muted
by golden starfish
Summary: Hive episode tag. McKay and Sheppard get a chance to talk.


**Season/Episode: **Season 2 – After "The Hive" but before "Epiphany"  
**Pairing: **None  
**Category: **Gen – Episode Tag  
**Spoilers: **Lost Boys, The Hive and Trinity  
**Summary: **McKay and Sheppard finally talk following the events of The Hive.

**A/N: **Thanks to my beta's Linda and kmisc. As always, all remaining errors are mine. Feedback positive and negative is very much appreciated. :-)

**A/N 2: **This is a sequel to my Hive episode tag _Gray_ but can be read as a standalone Hive tag.

* * *

McKay sat on the edge of his bed, not particularly wanting to move. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and pushed himself up off of the bed. Opening his eyes he took another deep breath and mentally steeled himself. _Happy place. Happy place. Just look somewhere the right side of okay. _He walked over to the door and opened it, only to find himself face-to-face with Sheppard. "McKay! I was looking for you, where've you been? Midday too early for you?" 

"Colonel." McKay gave a sarcastic smile. "I've had important things to do."

Sheppard waited for the inevitable lecture about how a genius such as McKay needed his sleep/food/leisure time. Unusually, it didn't come.

Sheppard shifted his weight between his feet, shoved his hand into the pockets of his pants and peered into the room, "So, are you going to get out of the way and let me in or shall we talk here?"

McKay stared at him blankly. "Talking here is fine." "_McKay._"

"Okay! No need to get…" McKay's voice grew quieter and trailed off.

He turned around and headed towards the comfy chair in his room. He sat down with a heavy sigh of relief. The closed curtains and the ruffled bed covers didn't go unnoticed by Sheppard. He pulled a chair up and sat down opposite McKay.

McKay looked at him with mock impatience, "What did you want to talk at me about, then?"

Sheppard looked at his hands nervously. He looked back up at McKay, "about what happened recently…." he hesitated. "The enzyme."

McKay leant forwards, "I take it the words you are vainly searching for are drug addict and overdose." "I trust you McKay; you don't need to prove it."

McKay eyed Sheppard uncertainly, wondering where this conversation was going. "You didn't need to prove I could trust you by doing such a-" Sheppard waved his arms around as he struggled to find a word to describe it "- stupid thing trying to save the team." His voice was a mix of anger and sympathy, and maybe gratefulness.

McKay fidgeted. "You survived."

Sheppard's voice was laced with anger, "And you nearly died."

That touched a nerve with McKay and he flew into a sudden rage. "I was doing something about the situation I was in! I escaped from my captors." He had become animated in his anger; his hands were moving, slower and less vigorously than usual, but still moving. "Surely you should be congratulating me on knocking out the two large burly men."

"Well done McKay." Sheppard's voice was flat. He took a deep breath; "I neverreally stopped trusting you McKay, even after you destroyed the majority of a solar system. I thought I had but deep down-" Sheppard hesitated. "I trust you with my life Rodney. You don't need to prove it."

McKay remained quiet, taken aback. It was a revelation that he hadn't really lost Sheppard's trust; it had felt that way. It had felt like he had lost a friend. Regardless of that, he had still lost some faith in his himself – his abilities - after Arcturus. He just never wanted to admit it.

"Well say something McKay!"

McKay wanted to remain silent, partly because he knew it would wind Sheppard up, but partly because he just didn't have the energy to talk anymore. He sighed, and with less venom than usual replied, "Yes, I will talk for _your_ comfort, Colonel." "I already trust you, but you need to think more carefully about the consequences of your actions. _Before_ you act."

McKay replied like a petulant child, "And you don't? Mr. 'I run head-long into intergalactic sized trouble.'" "_McKay_."

McKay wrung his hands. "I know."

"I appreciate what you did for us."

Sheppard flinched as McKay's expression changed abruptly. "Appreciate? I nearly killed myself for you and you _appreciate_ it? Colonel," the anger seemed to fade from McKay's voice and he sighed. "You will never understandexactly what I went through for the team – for you." "Then tell me." Sheppard's voice was soft and patient. "I thought you were in trouble – and it turns out I was right – so I needed to contact Atlantis that was…"

Sheppard interrupted. "I know what happened Rodney, I know the cold hard facts, and I've read all the reports. What is it I'm missing?"

Withdrawal. That was McKay's reply, although he didn't say it out loud. He could feel a needle penetrating his skin; he touched his forearm to prove that the sensation wasn't real. The whole experience had been…. Horrific? He couldn't really find the words in his mind to do it justice, let alone speak about it out loud. He didn't remember clearly what his conversations with Carson had been about in the throes of withdrawal. The main thing he could remember was that it had felt like the end of the world. The entire thing was something he wanted to just bury and forget. So Kate wasn't letting him do that as easily as he'd like, but he was slowly getting there.

Sheppard broke the lengthy silence, "You risked your life, your mind, to save us."

When McKay didn't say anything else, Sheppard just waited, patiently staring at him. The man still looked washed out, tired - he seemed to move slowly as though every movement required effort. "I'm tired," admitted McKay. "That's to be expected." Sheppard paused, "Look, the science team is managing fine without you."

If the science team was getting on fine without him, and if Sheppard had survived without him, then… He tried to quash those thoughts deep back inside, but they seemed to have more power than they used to. "They're managing fine. Take as much time as you need," said Sheppard.

'_Managing fine' _imitated McKay in his mind. _Salt; meet wound. _As the thought faded he found himselfsuddenly overcome with tiredness. It was as though there was a drug threading its way through his veins; he began fighting the lethargy. Then again, when he thought about it, why was he trying to resist its' pull? He knew he needed his sleep, why fight against something he wanted?

Sheppard watched as McKay's eyes drifted shut. Sheppard sat there for a few minutes watching him sleeping in the darkness. Sheppard admired the courage of this man, what he had been willing to do for the team, what he had been willing to do to escape. Sheppard trusted him with his own life.

Getting up, he grabbed a blanket from the heap of bedding at the bottom of the bed and carefully draped it over the sleeping man. Sheppard gave a gentle smile and said quietly, "Take care Rodney," before leaving the room.

* * *

When McKay next opened his eyes, he realized that he had fallen asleep in his chair. Sheppard was gone and there was a blanket over him. His neck hurt. McKay looked down at his arm and could just make out the bruise, which had begun to turn a wonderful dull purple color. He knew the exhaustion would pass and that his mood should improve given time. He closed his eyes again and gave a quiet sigh. 


End file.
